She had a silvery laugh, and a smile for me always. I vividly remember her smiling at me even throught the pain of all the cuts and bruises of her first bicycle accident (it was actually pretty bad - she even cut her lip). I remember us playing badminton after everybody else had left the court. In fact i was singled out for her friendship! She'd come out to play only after all the other guys had left. Being the only girl of her age on the whole block didn't help i guess. It was either join the guys or be alone! I remember the feel of her hair against my face when she was sitting in front of my bike! God, how i miss her and wish she was mine forever !
I don't know when exactly i fell in love with her. Maybe it was the first time i saw her, or it could be one of those evenings when we were playing badminton, or when we watched a movie together, But i know this for sure - i fell in love with her. And with an intensity that has not been matched since. Will it ever be? I am not sure. I can only hope it will be!
I've got a lot 2 thank her for - my sense of discrimination, my taste in music (of course, my good friend narayanan is also to be given credit( / blame) for that) , my ambition to get out of the small town life... and other things too numerous to mention. But here is to the one person who changed me forever - and now there is no going back!!!
But y didn't u fight it, hon? Y did u let us be pried apart! I'd have been not so unhappy with us parting if i knew that u'd be happy. But i think u r as unhappy as i am, or worse! So why did u do it? Societal pressure? Family pressure? I can't help but wonder! Of course if we had gotten married i'd never have gone on to become the person i've become (i could never hv thought about grad school), but i don't think i'd have been happier than with you !
It is now four years or more since we've last met. But i still dream about you. 2 weeks back when i was down with a really bad case of the flu, and was delirious half the time, i kept dreaming about you! Will i ever meet you again? I think that you are still one of the people i love most in this world. No wonder my sis became insecure - she was never comfy arnd u, was she! btw she is one of the people i am attached to most - it has always been a close contest between you two as to who comes first in my list ;-)
Childhood sweethearts are the toughest to forget because of so many reasons - the shared memories, the way you know each other inside out, the influence you've exerted on each other's life... But guess life must move on; though i constantly wish "If it only had been ..." That has now become the driving force in my life - the rule that i live by - that i should never again have to say "if it only had been ..."!
I don't know if you'll ever see this, but if you do, just remember the last game of battleship that we ever played - when i nearly confessed my love for you! And know that you will always have that special place in my heart that nobody else can occupy.
From a diehard romantic,
ubergeek, the
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9 comments:
Hi!!!
I'am Francis, I read sometimes your blog, it's very interisting. Good Luck!!!
Se u late!!!
Obs: I don't speak inglish very well, but I try... I think I can write and read... hihihi
Bye
Hi!!!
I'am Francis, I read sometimes your blog, it's very interisting. Good Luck!!!
Se u late!!!
Obs: I don't speak inglish very well, but I try... I think I can write and read... hihihi
Bye
Thx Francis!
I don't speak italian well. In fact i don't speak it at all ;-) Sorry, i can't read ir blog. It'd help if you have an English translation. Or i guess reading it will hv 2 wait till i get around to learning Italian ;-)
ubergeek, the
Hi rosh,
I think u may be right! Well - the romantics r a dying breed in this age ;-) Glad 2 meet one of the tribe !
ubergeek, the
Good stuff UG. I completely enjoyed reading this. I know what you mean.
First love ... bittersweet memories always isnt it? Wonder whether the beauty is in the fact that it is incomplete...wonder whether that magic would be there if it was translated into mundane marraige?
A Cynic in Wonderland
Well Cynic,
I guess we'll never know ! I suspect that u may be right, but i'd like to believe that it isn't so ;-) After all if u don't believe in true love, what else can u believe in! Particularly if u r an atheist!
ubergeek, the
hmmmmmmmmmm. first love maybe i can talk about him too in my blog .....thanks for the idea ........;) nakshatrasblog.rediffblogs.com
Hmmm...I think you might still be in love with the person she was then, but isn't anymore. Not your fault, infact, I sometimes think it's better that way.
btw, I've been thru this too, and Im probably still in love with the girl I knew too... :-)
Non-Sensei
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