Some things that i've realised recently

I've always been an avid reader, but never much of one for the so-called 'classics' or the Nobel prize winning types. But I have, in the past few weeks, had to read some of them like Siddhartha by Hesse, A Doll('s) House and The Wild Duck by Ibsen etc. Surprise surprise - i find myself loving them! Maybe not all critics ought to be disregarded ;-) Almost all these books have one thing in common. The author has written it after deep thought and reflection - part introspection, part critique on society - and wholly enjoyable!

I've been keeping off blogging. Not consciously, but too many things have been happening in my everyday life that i no longer find the energy to sit down to it. And i do not want to just chronicle my day. If anybody does read this, I want them to get something more than just vicarious pleasure/pain out of reading about my life.

I've realized that the last 2 years have changed me greatly - in fact, in some aspects i've changed almost beyond recognition. I think that i've changed for the better. But i guess that is arguable ;-) I think that every person ought to take some time off from life and just sit and reflect on his life at least once a year. And I mean a real break from routine - maybe 2 weeks a year spent in this way. In India we often take no holidays at all. Or if we do, too much of it is spent on the mandatory rounds of the relatives. The very veneer of normality, that of permanence, that of slow (or no) change and that of stability is all built around this blind followal of routine. Maybe it is time to change. Time to start thinking about where we are headed, and also to look back upon where we are coming from.

I've overcome a lot of my prejudices. Some people say that I'm still very inflexible/intolerant and so on. I think that there is some justification in these allegations ;-) But hey - life is just too damn short to waste your time on things and people you don't like! Why should i pretend to enjoy myself at a party where they don't play music which i love! I think that i'm being wonderfully patient with my friends here who don't quite think the same way i do. Not all of them are comfortable talking about things this way. Any discussion about life is 'borrring' and off limits! Man - how do you expect me to tell these guys what i've learned! But if there is 1 thing i've learned, it is this - you can listen to other people and try to gain the wisdom of their experience. But invariably, unless you already agree with what they say, you'll have to go through the whole thing and experience it 1st hand and learn it 4 urself. So i try a little to get these guys to listen, but give up as soon as i find that they have no idea what i'm talking about. Just last night I'd been drinking with some of my friends and we were discussing about how important money was. I was saying how money is important upto a level - without enough money to support a lifestyle that you are accustomed to (or aspire to) , you'll never be happy! 1 of my friends just didn't see it this way. He said that i was being inconsistent. At 1 point i say that all i want out of life is to be happy and now i say that 'without money i'll never be happy'! I think that money is not important only to people who've grown up always having enough of it. And as for the balance between 'time and money' and about being able to spend 'quality time' with the family, i think that having a demanding and rewarding career will only help and NOT harm your chances of having a good life. I know many people who've opted out of the rat race, but not with the full realization of what their family wants or needs. And then they find themselves unhappy. The very people whom they wanted to love and comfort think that they've been let down in some manner. To fully appreciate the value of time, i think you ought to never have too much of it. Hmmm.... maybe that is true of just about everything!

One of my batchmates here accused me of being gay! I was outraged! Not at the allegation, but what it says about our society even now. If I was gay, i'd come out openly and admit it! I wouldn't consider it a mark of shame. Nor would i consider it a badge of honor (in a world where people are desperately trying to carve out alternate identities, this is sometimes true!). It would have been just another fact about me. (Btw, on an aside, i found it ironical that i was being accused of being gay! Most of my problems have come from my falling in love with women - and maybe too easily and maybe with too many of them! As one of my friends put it - "He falls in love more frequently than he exercises") But people/kids still use these ideas to sling mud at each other. Anybody who doesn't fit into the mould is to be regarded with suspicion and scorn. Why do we still not accept it when people are different! It is their choice. It is right for them - maybe not you and not me!

ubergeek, the