I'd always prided myself that i'd never regret anything i'd ever do. Well, as we all know, pride comes b4 a fall. But i wish i'd learned my lesson without ruining another person's life.
I got reconciled to the idea of an arranged marriage. After all, what good did it do me 2 hv known sbdy for 5 years! That was the line of reasoning that i adopted. And my cuz whom i loved and respected as an elder bro also played a part in convincing me. He told me that an arranged marriage was just a sort of shortcut to ensure that people were comfortable with each other - having grown up following similar customs and so on. And he even tried to convince me that there is no such thing such as true love! That it was a mirage that the West has taught us 2 chase after. Well - i bowed 2 superior wisdom.
Unfortunately, each person can speak only for himself. This truth dawned on me only too late. By then the damage was done. I was engaged 2 somebody 4 whom i had absolutely no sense of affection beyond a certain pity. Pity is not really a great emotion 2 base a relationship on. My cuz is a very different sort of person. What he told me was what he believed (and probably was true 4 him). But there is no 'one right way' for everybody. I needed sthng more from a relationship than just sbdy who loved me, would keep house and raise my kids. What the heck happened to companionship? To a friendship? I needed 2 relate 2 sbdy. For the 1st time i realised that what we often hear referred to as 'chemistry' between people is sthng that really exists. And it didn't exist between me and my ex-fiancee. Yep - it is done. It was tough. I've ended up hurting sbdy innocent. I tell myself that what i've done is best 4 both of us. That she'd only get into a worse situation if i ended up marrying her without being committed 2 the relationship.
I wonder y my life is looking more and more like a soap opera. Complete with swooning females, and scheming aunts.
But forgive me V. for i have wronged u. I know that u may never c this. But i still feel the need 2 make an almost public apology. It was just a series of accidents that led to this. And people ducking difficult decisions. I thank my mom and my sis for giving me the courage to go through with this decision despite all the trouble that they'll face because of it.
ubergeek, the
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I have about nine friends with broken engagements ..so yup i know how it is like..and nearly got into an arranged thing with one feller who earlier had broken off one..hence ..its difficult as hell..but its good in the long run for everyone concerned..for our generation its not the conventional arranged that works ..its the arranged love ..u get to meet someone thru conventional arranged, then talk to each other for a few months with family not involved ..and then take a call.. ive realized that...see once and then decide ..doesnt work re..and then if u find out that too late its much more difficult. so chin up! you did the right thing!
Hang in there...things will work out. It always does. *hugs*
Post a Comment