Got to know of the Blank Noise Project through Hemlyn's blog. Read Rajesh Advani's post too. Even if I'm not contributing to the project on the day that I should have, I guess I have the excuse that I just got to know today - about 20 mins before right now in fact.
One of my Profs who had spent most of his life abroad was urging me to come back to Kerala later on saying how desperately the state needs human capital. But I told him that I have no plans of ever coming back for anything but short visits. If and when I do have kids, I didn't want to bring them up there. He was shocked at how strongly I felt about it. Someone who grew up there would know why I don't like the place and the attitude of most people there. Three incidents stand out in my mind among many that I know of.
Delhi is notorious for the way women get treated there. A friend of mine from Delhi found Kerala worse.
She'd never been in Kerala before - at least not for anything other than the usual annual-tour-of-the-relatives sort of visit. The first day after she joined med entrance coaching classes in Trichur, she and a friend of hers from class went out for a walk. She kept drawing stares and cat calls but as she didn't understand mallu, she didn't realize what was being said - perhaps mercifully. Her friend grew more uncomfortable and suggested that they'd better go back. Though she didn't realize why, she sensed something was wrong and agreed. On the way to the hostel, they ran into their prof and she went up beaming and wished him. She was stunned when he admonished her for wearing such "skimpy clothes" and saying how he had mistaken her for a "good girl". And that is when she'd just been wearing what she would have in Delhi - a mini and a loose T-shirt! She changed her entire wardrobe the next day. And this wasn't the worst that she went through. She ought to have learnt by then that in Kerala, the men are always right. When someone did something so bad that she couldn't even tell me what he'd done to her, she slapped him and shouted at him. And she was surprised that her friend, instead of helping her, was trying to hush her and was telling her to "calm down". Wonderful! If this is the way that women friends react when someone treats a pervert the way he deserves to be treated, small wonder that Kerala is the way it is.
A friend of mine and I were walking back home a little early in the morning when a gang came across us. They passed some lewd comment and passed by. I didn't understand what they'd said, but my friend turned beet red and after they'd passed asked me if I'd heard what they'd said. I told her that I had but that I hadn't understood. She refused to tell me what they'd said, but I knew that it had upset her. I was 15 at that time and was puny for my age and had never been in a fight before - that is my only excuse for not going after them then. But to this day I still burn with shame for not having done that. R. if u ever read this, know that I'm still sorry for not standing up for you that day.
I was at the railway station waiting when I saw my mom and my sis running towards me. I'd forgotten some important documents back home and hadn't even realized it. My sis was still in what she was wearing at home - a short dress that came down nearly to her knees. In her hurry, she hadn't changed to accommodate Keralite sensibilities about what women should wear. This is a place where girls who wear jeans are ogled at. She drew a lot of stares that night and I'll never forget what she went through to get me those papers.
I wonder why Kerala is the way it is despite a fair amount of education, the matriarchal system among its dominant community, or how it manages to project an image of a state that treats its women well! Is it because it is such a sexually repressive society that it breeds the worst perverts?
These are just a few of the incidents that I know of. I probably don't know of the worst ones that my friends are probably too embarassed to tell me or anyone else. But think this is enough to make you think twice before raising your kids in Kerala.
ubergeek, the
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2 comments:
I dont think thats fair. You have guys like that everywhere... just your luck youve heard of more incidents in Kerala.
I guess its a bit like a percentage of the population being gay. And adverse socio-ecenomic factors dont help. Its a fact that you need to accept and live with.
Anon: Probably true. But that doesn't change the fact that it is a repreesive society that tries to brush sexuality under the carpet. And makes platonic relationships difficult - just because of sheer social norms that makes such a relationship impossible in the eyes of most people
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