When do you live?

"Exactly how much of one's life a person devotes to the present, how much to memories, and how much to the future. This would let us know who a man is in relation to his time. What human time really is. And we could surely define three types of human being depending on which variety of time was dominant"
Do I even need to say that this is also a quote from Milan Kundera! Of late been reading just him and Murakami. Got started on Seth's Two Lives a couple of days back. But as usual, I digress ;-) Back to the topic at hand.

Couldn't help but remember this when I saw two movies - The Great Gatsby and Falling in Love Again. Gatsby tries, in vain, to recreate the past. Of course anybody who has had happier moments would want to go back to them if they could when (and if) they feel they'd never be happier than that time. Loved the way they showed how Gatsby tries to recreate a memory of a time. The voice overs from the past don't really go with the scenes of the present. Excellent metaphor!

Falling in Love Again appealed to the hopelessly romantic, sentimental idiot in me ;-) It is about this middle-aged couple who got married when they were practically kids and how the fairy tale is over. Nostalgia keeps him from letting go completely, but also frustrates him. For him, their relationship, and his life reached a pinnacle when their lives on the Bronx ended with their marriage. He goes back to the Bronx with his family hoping to find that nothing has changed. But of course, everything has. And everybody has. But they start all over again. You can never be too old to dream!

I think that I devote most of my life to the future and to past memories. Never really live much in the present. Starting to change that. I think I've allowed my dreams to get ahead of myself, not just this time. But always. Last night was a reality check. Not exactly sure what triggered it. Maybe it was that being in the midst of my emotional support group helped clarify things. Made me realize that other people are hurting too, that their suffering is not any less than mine. For someone who always thought of himself as rather sensitive, it came as a rude shock to realize that I've been anything but that. I've been too wrapped up in my sorrow and disappointments to notice the hurt and frustrations of others. Well, maybe realization is the first step towards changing this.

I hope that I haven't gone and ruined a friendship that has come to mean so much to me. I've been a bit of an idiot. Hope that you'll forgive me and that we'll go on and become best friends.

ubergeek, the