Love Is The Answer

Everything else fades with time. In our search for happiness, and self-fulfilment, maybe we are too caught up doing things that we think will bring us closer to happiness and forget that you can probably end up with a mediocre career, very few friends and still be happy if you've found love that lasts. Every person can probably be happy if he gets one of these - success, love, or a good active social life. Some people are lucky to get all three. But I think that except for love, you can never be sure about the other two. Cynics might say that you can't really say about love either ;-) But I am not talking about the love of hormone-driven 16 year olds making out in the back of a car. I am talking about love between grownups who have been scarred by one or several relationships and are afraid to get hurt again and just refuse to allow themselves a chance to discover (or rediscover love). I've been hurt badly thrice so far. Twice because I allowed myself to dream that what was mere affection could become more than that. Maybe I shouldn't use the word 'mere' before 'affection'. For isn't affection stronger than love?

Coming back to what I was saying, I've been scarred without even getting into a real relationship. So it is perhaps it is nothing compared to what others have gone through. I definitely know that two of my close friends have gone through much worse. But funnily enough neither of them chose to unburden themselves while I have been using friends - old and new - as shrinks and pouring my heart into ears that are willing to listen and empathize.

I wonder when affection turns to love. Maybe it is a thin line separating the two. I know that affection has to be mutual, while love doesn't. In fact, there is probably nothing as beautiful and painful as unrequited love. Yeah, even an eternal optimist like me has become cynical enough to see a lot of people tread down the path of love blinded by the light that they see in the other person's eyes, only to find the path not of rose petals, but of thorns. Unrequited love, existing only in the mind, can't be anything short of ideal. Unrequited love is eternal and you can always allow yourself to say "it might have been..." instead of "I don't know where we went wrong". No, I am not advising that you and I keep our feelings to ourselves. But I am cautioning against a love that doesn't begin with real mutual affection. Once the sex is over, what remains is just companionship. And if you are supportive of each other, then it could blossom into a beautiful relationship.

But to love, you must not be afraid of getting hurt. Like Milan Kundera says in The Incredible Lightness of Being, "without shit, there isn't love". Though he didn't mean shit in the metaphorical sense, but quite literally. Tough to explain the logic of that. Anybody that interested, either pick up the book or write to me ;-) But I can say that he summed up my feelings pretty well there.

ubergeek, the