You try to run your personal life just like you've managed the rest of your life. Set a target and then just make sure that you do what you need to. And then it should work out. It has to, right? After all, you've never ever failed to get anything you've ever wanted. You just worked harder towards it.
You forget that here you are dealing with another individual. Someone who probably doesn't think the same way you do. Someone for whom certain actions or words don't mean the same things that they do for you.
You have so much to give and you are just dying for someone whom you care about deeply to come along and accept it. That is exactly what scares away all the women you know. They are scared about how fast you seem to be moving in a relationship. Of course, for you even a relationship can't be something without a charted map. By the second date you've already made plans about what to do so that you can afford to maintain your lifestyle after you get married ;-)
Now why are you in such a hurry to 'get married'?
You want to keep waking up next to her and look at her sleeping, bring her breakfast in bed, and kiss her awake. You want to cook together, read and listen to music and watch movies...You can't imagine getting bored. Ever. You've only known her for three weeks but think that you both see life the same way. And of course, you fail to understand why she can't quite feel the same way about you. For you it makes perfect sense. You see that you love her like she is. You aren't bothered that you don't know her well enough because you think that there isn't a single thing you'd want to change about her.
Is that really "Love"? Or are you just trying to fit her into your idea of a perfect life? As long as you are open to changing your idea about life together and see her as a separate individual, isn't it all right?
ubergeek, the
P.S: Comments invited. Especially from geeks. And also invited from the women that we try to understand (in vain).
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6 comments:
"Or are you just trying to fit her into your idea of a perfect life?"
I guess we all want our lives to be perfect and we make ourselves believe that with the right person in our lives that is what life is going to be. And it is until you realize that life more than breakfasts in bed and watching movies together and holding hands. Life together entails paying bills, making decisions, taking responsibilities, sharing frustrations, sacrificing, doing things you normally would never do. Love is all about co-dependence and adjustments and being there for each other.
"the love in your heart wasn't menat there to stay, love isn't love until you give it away".
am glad u finally realised it! ;)
@m: Thx :-) And yeah, I do realize that marraige is more than that. And I guess that dealing with the unpleasant things together is also what makes it special. Being there for each other like you said. Someone who'll help you figure out your finances and help you worry about it together ;-)
@anon: Is this who I think it is? Thought I'd call, but didn't. And I'm not sure you read the whole thing. I refer to "As long as you are open to changing your idea about life together and see her as a separate individual, isn't it all right?" ;-)
Knowing fully well that you give special consideration for comments from geeks,I hope this comment from a duffer wont be unwelcome.
After I was dumped for the tenth* time I sat back and thought what the problem actually was.And what I arrived at is more or less similar to what you've said here.
".. are you just trying to fit her into your idea of a perfect life?"
*number has been changed to protect privacy
@ Joe: Hmm... i said geeks bcoz i thought only we didn't get it ;-) Glad to know that I hv company. Makes me feel a little bit more normal
".. are you just trying to fit her into your idea of a perfect life?"
Yes. I think that dream would be a very self-centred(selfish?) one. Cant blame anyone though, and certainly, there's no harm meant so its ok.
-SOxy
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